After re-reading my last entry a few times and cringing internally, I realized I didn't do a very good job with getting some of my main ideas across. I really don't like talking or writing about myself very much (one thing I'm trying to work on with these posts), and when doing so, I tend to be overly succinct or meander around the point without saying much. I'd like to tie up some loose ends here.
The main thing I think I failed at was giving a general idea of my orientation all in one place, so let's do that first. I identify as asexual. I do find people attractive and beautiful, but I do not seek out sexual relationships in real life. My furriness and macrophilia complicate things a bit online. In those worlds, the feelings of attraction tend to be stronger, and I am able to indulge someone else's wishes online if I've formed an emotional bond with them and feel safe. Sex is still not something I seek out online, but it's something I can feel comfortable doing with the right person if it makes them happy.
I think I gave the impression that I was scared of the idea of sex. I was really afraid of having a lack of a reaction to someone's advances. In high school, I'm sure I came off as clueless because of this, and I was, but again, "sorry, I'm asexual" just wasn't in anyone's vocabulary back then. I felt like I had to bail on my potential partners instead of being honest, and that unfortunately carried over to when I got online. I ghosted so, so many people before I got a handle on this, and it was always because I would just freeze up and be unable to continue when I realized where things were going. It was never because of the act itself, but because I stressed over not being into it and coming across as broken. I again apologize if you're one of those people. I hope it makes a little sense now, at least. It's still hard to just come out and say it, but I'm getting better at it.
The last post did spawn a few good conversations that I very much enjoyed, but I do want to make something clear after having them: I did not mean for my previous post to be any sort of statement about sex in the furry fandom. This was a hotly-debated topic back in the old days (Burned Furs! Remember all that?), and while I think we've all calmed down about it quite a bit, I also think it's best to stick to stating personal preferences and experiences and leaving it at that. There's a huge difference between "this is how I feel and do" and "this is how everyone should feel and do."
Lastly, I don't want anyone to feel like they have to walk on eggshells or act differently around me in public spaces. The only way you can really make me uncomfortable online regarding sexual content is to suddenly make a private conversation or roleplay all about that. Think about what's acceptable in public, and unless I know you pretty well already, using the same guidelines will go a long way toward making me feel comfortable and will be most appreciated. As with anything, if you're unsure, I do not mind at all being asked! Showing concern and consideration is a great way to build trust as well.
That's it! This post said everything I really wanted to say, but the muddled history in the last one might still be worth a read if you're going through these in reverse chronological order and are curious. Thanks again for indulging my efforts in self-exploration. Even if no one ever reads them, writing these posts is therapeutic, and I hope to continue the streak!
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